It’s Lily Dijkland’s deepest sorrow: the Dutch woman, who lives in Canada, will never be able to return to the Netherlands. She’s always missed her native country, even more so after her marriage broke down. She and her ex-husband had five children. And they can’t moveback with her to the Netherlands.
The first two years after the divorce were the most difficult, says Lily. “My husband wouldn’t allow me to take our children to the Netherlands any longer. He was afraid I would stay there with the kids. A judge also ruled that there was a big chance that I would kidnap the children. But I wouldn’t even want my kids to live so far away from their father.”
Her relationship with her former husband has improved since then, and she can go back to the Netherlands every year with their children. But she’ll never be able to move back to the Netherlands. She says, “we always planned to go back to Europe with the kids. But now that we’ve divorced, that is not going to happen. He has a good job and a new girlfriend. He has no reason to go back. I’m the only one who feels homesick for the Netherlands.”
Lily doesn’t know how to solve her problem. “Some people say I can go back to the Netherlands when my children move out. But I’d never want to live far away from my kids. I hope one day I’ll have enough money to spend half my time in the Netherlands and the other half in Canada.”
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I grew up in a family with parents who couldn't make up their minds where they wanted to live. First, they idealized Holland and then they went back to the Netherlands (from Canada). Then they Idealized Canada. The kids all ended up returning (to Canada).
I can sympathize to some extent, but the issue that is not covered is what's best for your children. Consider that your unhappiness may have little to do with location and try a good therapist.
Minister Donner(Wetter) change those stupid and foolish fascist laws and give this lady and many others the opportunity of dual nationality.
Passports are not the issue here. The Canadian judge ruled that she's not allowed to take her kids out of the country for fear that she wouldn't bring them back. She doesn't want to go without her kids, so she stays in Canada.
Hi Lily,
I went through exactly the same thing that you went through and I understand everything you say. At the same time I cannot give you any advice because there is no solution to this problem. You do not migrate to a different country thinking that 11 years down the road your marriage might break up and that you essentially lose your freedom. If you ever want to talk to someone who someone who understands...
watched this with interest, Lily,
I have 4 adult children now, though youngest daughter at home for another couple of months @ 20yrs old, also moving away to another country. Before long I will have just the one in NZ... Kids will probably move away one day.. the world is so big for them to explore.. 3 out of 4 children of ours have moved away from New Zealand..
Don't despair, Lily. Your boys are still rather young, maybe you can have lots of trips until your youngest is old enough to leave too?
Can sons be with their dad and his new partner for certain lengths of time?
Let me know if you want contact on Facebook, just for some interest & natter. I have lived in NZ since 1978, am 53, but also feel way younger and act like it too? Separated from husband in 2000. Am not exactly alone, but yeah, it's not always that easy, have some Dutch female friends here, which made me feel a bit more Dutch again, but it has run its course a bit unfortunately. Am not desperate for Holland, but must admit am sometimes looking at housing in the Netherlands, see what I can do?? If everyone moves away from NZ, what am I doing here? Not a bad country though!!
And it has the advantage of a new man I have met.. Hmmmm! :S
Does Canada not offer any nice men where you are? (not sounding desperate though!! but would possibly make it easier for you? Less thinking about Holland?)
((((HHH)))) x
I can understand your sorrow Lily. But To me you are living in paradise. I've only lived for one year in Canada (East-Kootenays, B.C.) and I am homesick to the bone to Canada. Which has become my country, but where I am not living. I would switch residentship with you in a minute! Eventhough all of my family lives in the Netherlands, I can't feel at home here anymore and I wish to go back again to Canada.
I understand that position with your kids. But Canada is fast and large. Wouldn't they move to the other side of Canada for work anyhow? Then you also don't see them to often. You live for yourself, not for an other. Once they moved out, you can choose for yourself and move back. Than I switch passports with you.
?????????????????
BUCK UP, LILY!!!
Life is about decisions. You've got to adapt and roll with the punches. never expect to get a magic trick to solve the life you've chosen.
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