A father, a second father, and two children. Not exactly the standard family setting for a children’s book. But it’s all part of everyday life for Arwen and Wolf, the adopted children of a gay couple in the Dutch town of Dordrecht. One of their fathers decided to write a children’s book based on his own family situation: for his own children but also for the rest of the world. "It’s a feel-good book about a happy family."

Dad is hopeless when it comes to putting beads in her braided hair, sighs four-year-old Arwen. But her adoptive father Jarko de Witte van Leeuwen knows plenty of mums who leave that job to the hairdresser as well.

The De Witte van Leeuwen household describe themselves as a happy family but certainly not an average one. Once same-sex marriage became legal in the Netherlands in 2001, Jarko (now 39) married his partner Jos. Soon afterwards, he applied to adopt a child. In 2005 they welcomed their adopted daughter Arwen into their home and last year she was joined by their adopted son Wolf: two Afro-American kids with two white Dutch dads.

Clear explanation
While reading his daughter a bedtime story, Jarko hit upon the idea that it would be nice for his children to hear a story about two dads. Such bedtime reading turned out not to exist, which prompted him to write a children’s book himself. The story is now complete, illustrated with bright and cheerful drawings. It tells the tale of adopted children from a far-away country with parents of the same sex.

"I wrote the book for my daughter to give her a clear explanation of how we became a family, because sooner or later these questions are bound to arise. After all, we are two white fathers with two Afro-American children so I want to be well-prepared for the inevitable questions. And those questions are already starting to come, little by little."

"She already knows that she comes from New York and has a biological mother. She’s a smart girl. But soon she’ll want to know why she was adopted and that’s where the book comes in. We can let her see what happened and that, even though there are dramatic elements, there are also positive aspects. The fact that we are together and that her mother took a responsible decision: that’s an inspiring message."

Self-published author
Since Jarko believes that there will be interest in his book from abroad, he has also penned an English version. So far, publishers have taken no interest in his unconventional tale, so he has decided to publish the book himself.

"It’s exciting", says the debut author, but he also sees it as a commercial proposition since it is not a book aimed exclusively at gay couples.

"I’d be disappointed if gay parents didn’t read the book, but I’d be more disappointed if heterosexual parents didn’t pick up on it. It’s not a book about being gay. It’s a feel-good book about love and a happy family and that’s a universal story. But at the same time it’s not a story that has been written about before. I think that parents who want to raise their children with a sense of awareness and who want to prepare them for diversity in society will definitely be interested in this book."

Undesirable
The number of same-sex adoptive parents is growing but their parental rights are far from universally accepted, even in the progressive climate of the Netherlands. And, of course, in the home countries of many adopted children, there are also plenty of people who see an upbringing by two mothers or two fathers as undesirable.

But Jarko de Witte van Leeuwen says real life proves them wrong: "There has been endless research into what’s good for a child. And the outcome is always the same: a child needs a loving family, and two men or two women are just as capable of providing that as a man and a woman. For me, that says it all."

Titles: Arwen en haar papa's / Arwen and her Daddies
 
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