"I would like to write to you about so many things... I'm changing a lot, I'm not the same as I was and I won't become the same again. I think of you a lot, too much; I'd give a fortune to be able to talk to you, to touch your arms and to embrace you. Life isn't easy, my love, and I'm being more and more aware of that."

These words, "Life isn't easy, my love" were chosen by Colombian journlaist Jorge Enrique Botero as the title of his book, just published, about Tanja Nijmeijer. The Dutchwoman has been a guerrilla fighter with the Colombian FARC resistance movement since 2003. Her pseudonym as a guerrilla is Alexandra, but her fellow fighters usually refer to her as Holanda.

Survivor
The quote is from the beginning of a letter to Julian, a cousin of the killed FARC commander Mono Jojoy, and Tanja's former lover. "The first and only guerrilla fighter who was able to captivate me, because after Julian I never felt the same love in these mountains," she confided to Mr Botero.

After lengthy preparations the journalist succeeded in having a long talk with Tanja in the mountainous area of La Macarena in the middle of 2010. They spoke only weeks before the Colombian army launched a heavy air attack on this region. Tanja was not hurt and turned out to be a real survivor.

"Two weeks ago we got the message that Tanja is alive and in good health," Mr Botero told the audience assembled at the Bogotá book fair for the launch of his book.

Change
Mr Botero's book is on sale in shops in Colombia, Venezuela and Ecuador. Dutch publishers have been contacted with a view to publishing a Dutch translation. The writer told Radio Netherlands Worldwide that he was fascinated by this woman with her finely-chiselled face since first meeting her in 2003. "She
somehow appeared incongruous, although her words and actions clearly demonstrated that she had found her reason to be in this world."

The journalist described Tanja's metamorphosis since she put her life at the service of FARC. When he first met her she appeared "totally engrossed by her role as an ideologically well-drilled guerrilla fighter. The type of person who, when you ask them what the time is, answers 'It's the time of the revolution, comrade.'"

Years after that she makes a more balanced impression on Botero: "of a woman who is completely in harmony with her surroundings and very suited to her role as a teacher. She is teaching courses in politics, philosophy and languages."

Row
The book's publisher, Alfonso Carvajal, defines her as "one of the 21st century's anti-heroes: handsome, young, European, educated, and FARC member out of conviction." But the Dutch FARC specialist Liduine Zumpolle, who was present at the book launch, created a row by calling Botero's book commercially inspired before anything else. According to Ms Zumpolle, herself author of a book about Tanja Nijmeijer, "Botero's only aim is to write propaganda for the FARC."

(rk)