Two decades ago, the euthanasia debate was shaken up by a new concept: the Drion pill. Huib Drion, then vice-president of the Dutch Supreme Court, put forward the idea of having an easily available ‘suicide pill’ for elderly people who wanted to end their lives.

There was a broad debate about whether or not such a pill would be a good thing. Joty ter Kulve, 65 at the time, was a vociferous opponent of the pill. Twenty years on, she’s changed her mind.

When I was 65, I was horrified at the idea of people having a ‘suicide pill’ by the bed. I thought Professor Drion was painting an extremely gloomy picture of ‘lonely’ old people, and of society itself. I was also influenced by the fact that my husband was manic-depressive. I knew only too well that you often feel suicidal if you’re in a depression, and that this goes away when you get out of the dip. I was worried the pill would fall into the wrong hands.

Old age
I was still enjoying life to the full. Now that I’m 84, I understand what it is to be old. And what it means to be lonely and on your own at home or in a nursing home when your body starts to let you down. Being old is as hard as top sport.

That’s why I’ve changed my mind, through getting older myself. I now believe that all people – including those who are growing old – are in charge of their own lives. You die alone. Only you decide. I’ve had to make difficult decisions and choices all my life. Why should I suddenly not be able to do that anymore just because I’m 84?

A dignified life
As far as I can see, it’s a question of equality for people who are getting older. Respect and a dignified life should be top of the list as far as policies for the elderly are concerned. Improving the quality of care plays a big part in this. It’s also very important that elderly people are listened to and count. Playing your part in society is as necessary as vitamins.

I’ve lost three dear friends this year. Their stories illustrate how my ideas have changed. There’s no single solution for a whole group, this applies just as well to old people. Each person is an individual with his or her own desires, battle, pain and expectation of life.

Euthanasia
This spring, I was phoned up by a friend with whom I’ve been through a lot. A really special woman: very spiritual and religious, an official at her local Protestant church and a fierce opponent of euthanasia.

She told me that her cancer had spread throughout her body and that she was going to take things into her own hands. She’d asked her family doctor to help, but he’d refused. I knew immediately why she’d phoned: the doctor had unnerved her and she wanted support for her decision. I told her: 'Sweetheart, God isn’t a God of rules, but a God of Love. Do what you believe is the right thing for you.' In the end, she moved to a hospice, where the resident doctor supported her in her decision. She passed away really peacefully.

Dying away
I had a dear friend in a nursing home. She was 90, and her husband and two sons were dead. She was a strong woman who had survived a Japanese concentration camp with her little one-year-old daughter. She’d broken her hip, but the doctor wouldn't risk an operation at her age. She had felt her life was over for some time.

She asked why God was punishing her, making her live so long. She decided not to eat or drink anymore: they call it ‘dying away'. Sometimes it takes days, sometimes weeks. With my friend, it took a very long time. Perhaps she still had too strong a bond with her daughter. I think 'dying away' is a horrible way to go. Why does society allow this, while euthanasia is made so difficult?

My brother died this spring. He was a gynaecologist and fought for women’s rights all his life. He thought birth control was the only way to keep the planet habitable. In the 1960s, he was for abortion. He was a great champion of people’s right to decide things for themselves. My brother, just like Huib Drion, died peacefully in his sleep.

Sorry
Professor Drion, my friends and my brother were people who always did their best for people and for society. Every civilisation needs people who dare to tread a different path, who fight for what they think is right, but who also dare to alter their views and say: I couldn’t see it properly - I'm sorry, Professor Drion.

The question of ‘ending life voluntarily’ is again the subject of debate in the Netherlands. Right to Die-Netherlands (NVVE) has just held a symposium on the issues.

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Disclaimer: Opinions expressed in this article are not necessarily those of Radio Netherlands Worldwide