Samuela de Ruiter was born in Ghana, but grew up with a white adoptive family in the Netherlands. Last summer, she met her birth mother for the first time and she’s now at a crossroads of deciding whether to build a relationship with her biological family or sever all ties and just move on.
This story was taken from the latest edition of The State We're In - Stealing children.
UPDATE - Australian listener Lina Eve wrote into the show, to tell Samuela her story of having to give up her own baby girl for adoption. We thought it’d be good to have them "meet" on air to exchange their insights - listen here.
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Both, thanks for the sweet and encouraging words!
Dear Samuela, just listened to your story. I don't know your mothers story, but at 15 she probably didn't have much say about keeping you, it would all have been decided for her. I lost my first child to adoption completely against my wishes but the social workers and hospital made the decision, wouldn't let me see my baby, drugged me, and coerced me finally into signing adoption papers. I never forgot my first child and searched for years. When we finally had a reunion, her reaction was similar to yours.. I thought she had gone into the sunset with her wealthier, "respectful" 2 parent family. I thought by signing the adoption papers, I had saved her from the way I was being treated as an unmarried mother as she would have been the bastard child ( and looked down on as you were for being black) and given her a much better chance in life...after all, thats what everyone kept telling me and under the influence of the drugs I was given in hospital I couldn't think clearly. In any case, she spent her whole life feeling abandoned by me and consequently, all her hurt and anger was directed at me. I couldn't do anything right and our relationship died a 2nd time and possibly forever. I encourage you to remember how young your mother was, how she so obviously missed you all your life and please don't close your heart to her because ultimately this will hurt you the most. Even though it might provide some tiny satisfaction at first. Separating mother and child is a cruel practice and has life long repercussions on both. Wishing you all the best, warm wishes, Lina
Dear Lina Eve,
I just read your story and it's actually really encouraging for me. You told your story from another perspective - as a mom. I hope you want to get in touch with me. Please, send me an e-mail:
Samuela.deruiter@rnw.nl
Best regards,
Samuela
Samuela,
I am an adopted adult, too (though I never had to deal with racism). I found my birthmother when I was 42 ... I have a wonderful relationship with her now, as does my adoptive mother, but it hasn't always been easy. All sorts of feelings and issues arose and still arise. I think you are right that peace may never come. But I believe that many adventures and much self-knowledge will. I hope you stay connected with both your families. I loved your essay, by the way. You are clearly someone who values truth and who is dedicated to speaking it, however painful it might be. That's a great gift and a great blessing for those of us who get to hear you. Love to you.
Samuela, I listened to your essay, to your voice. You are a beautiful soul. You have come so far and have endured pain you didn't even know resonated within you. There are many cultural differences, but don't turn your back completely on either of your families. You are somewhere in the middle and I hope you cultivate a sense of understanding, if not peace, within you.
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