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Saturday 2 August  
Dutch-Moroccan divorce rates rising
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Hilversum, Netherlands
Hilversum, Netherlands

'Marry in haste repent at leisure' for young Dutch Moroccans

Published on : 22 January 2013 - 12:02pm | By RNW Arab Desk ((C) RNW)
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Abdel Shakur no longer sees any meaning in life. Since he and his wife divorced four months ago, she has moved to another city and refuses to let him see his children, in what he says is an attempt to blackmail him. Abdel Shakur, who is 42, is just one among hundreds of cases of divorced Moroccans living in the Netherlands.

Mohammed Elamrani 

Abdel Shakur moved to Holland in search of a better life than the one he left behind in Morocco, where he worked as a teacher. His conditions there were intolerable, and the desire to set out for Europe never left him.

After arriving in the Netherlands, Abdel Shakur decided it was time to marry, “why not marry a good village girl from home ?,” he thought – so that’s what he did. “ I said to myself she’s the kind of woman I like,” he explains, without actually meeting the woman he was to wed. And so he dived into the relationship without taking the time to get to know his bride.

Socialisation
Abdel Shakur is not the first man – nor will he be the last - to be dismayed by what he discovers after diving into marriage. Thinking back with regret, he says: “I was not aware that this ill-mannered girl had all these complexes. I decided to marry her because I was overwhelmed by her beauty, only to discover that she is not familiar with fatherly love. Her father was a dictator in the house, which is why she hates men generally. Her only concern was to have children and then live with them without a man.”

No understanding
“I did all the cooking and took care of the children, and she did whatever she pleased without even consulting me. If I ever brought this up, I knew we would have a horrible day ahead. Time and again, she went to the police to file false complaints against me, building up a record of lies. This way she could force me to divorce her and leave the house,” Abdel Shakur claims.

Making assumptions
Just like Abdel Shakur, many young Dutch Moroccan men are enthusiastic about the idea of marrying a woman from Morocco, because they assume she will be more obedient to her husband and conform to traditional customs.
However, such marriages often lead to nothing but regret and a divorce. The women may be docile and compliant at first, because they are not familiar with their new environment. But once they taste freedom, they adopt other, more modern habits just like women of Moroccan origin who have grown up in Holland.

Limited marriage
Thirty-year old Hasna has a very different story to tell: “I married at the age of 18, when I was a university student in Morocco. When Ahmed asked for my hand, I accepted after hearing his words and promises. But once we were husband and wife, I found myself with a husband who doesn’t know anything about romance or married life. Marriage to him is limited to eating, drinking and sex,” she says.

“He would wake up in the morning, go to work and would not return except to eat. Then he would go out once more to play chess and cards with his friends. Once home, he would go to bed immediately because he was tired,” Hasna explains. “I was always asking myself what my role is in this man’s life was” she adds.

Hasna was thinking “more about her son than myself,” and did not want to “ruin the family,” so she allowed this situation to continue for six years. “I told myself to be patient,” she says.

No solution
Hasna tried to talk about the way she felt with he husband, but to no avail. “He would always give the same response: “You have enough to eat and drink, you lack nothing, not even blessings.” Hasna would answer that she did not get married to eat and drink, and that she was better off in her father’s home. “In the end, we decided that divorce was the best option.”

Short-lived marriages 
Abdel Sami’, the marriage celebrant at the Moroccan consulate-general in Amsterdam, told RNW that divorce has increased sharply in the Moroccan community in recent years. “It is regretful that some marriages do not last more than a couple of months,” he says.

“What astonishes me”, he continues, “is that young women in Holland, unlike in Morocco, marry of their own free will, without the slightest coercion, because they live in a country of freedom, respect and choice. And yet, the divorce rates are high, especially among youth who have not yet grasped the real meaning of marriage.”

It sems then, that little understanding of each others’ culture, especially between couples raised in different countries, can lead to divorce. Moroccans living in and outside of their homeland shape their lives differently and have different ideas about what marriage means.

Discussion

william henry 23 April 2014 - 6:07am / england

Hello my name is William such amazing testimony of a powerful spell caster within 48 hour i receive a phone call of my ex girlfriend who left me for another man since ten month ago and also help me to win the position of manager in the company i work it was a greatest surprise to me i never believe all these we come to pass, so i am saying a very big thanks to Dr moju for his great spell caster. me and my ex girlfriend was into a serious relationship over five years but later on she started behaving strange and even cheating on me and left me for another man, i was confuse in life it break my heart i love her very much and i do not want to loose her like that i try to call her but she change her line i try all my possible best to get her but all failed i contacted some spell caster but they could not solve my problem, until i told my cousin about my problem and told me he knew of one powerful and real spell caster in the internet that help him solve his problem that almost take his life, and he told me that he can also help me, so i contacted him through mojuspiritualspelltemple@outlook.com i told him my problem and promise to help me it was a greatest surprise to me within 48 hour i receive a phone call of my ex girlfriend saying that i should forgive her and i was also giving the position of manager in the company i work, it was just like a dream to me but it was the powerful spell of Dr moju today me and my ex are happily married and with two kid if you have any kind of difficulties or problem disturbing you in life you are advice to contact this powerful spell caster mojuspiritualspelltemple@outlook.com he is only the one that can help you, once again i say a very big thanks to this powerful spell caster.

william henry 23 April 2014 - 6:07am / england

Hello my name is William such amazing testimony of a powerful spell caster within 48 hour i receive a phone call of my ex girlfriend who left me for another man since ten month ago and also help me to win the position of manager in the company i work it was a greatest surprise to me i never believe all these we come to pass, so i am saying a very big thanks to Dr moju for his great spell caster. me and my ex girlfriend was into a serious relationship over five years but later on she started behaving strange and even cheating on me and left me for another man, i was confuse in life it break my heart i love her very much and i do not want to loose her like that i try to call her but she change her line i try all my possible best to get her but all failed i contacted some spell caster but they could not solve my problem, until i told my cousin about my problem and told me he knew of one powerful and real spell caster in the internet that help him solve his problem that almost take his life, and he told me that he can also help me, so i contacted him through mojuspiritualspelltemple@outlook.com i told him my problem and promise to help me it was a greatest surprise to me within 48 hour i receive a phone call of my ex girlfriend saying that i should forgive her and i was also giving the position of manager in the company i work, it was just like a dream to me but it was the powerful spell of Dr moju today me and my ex are happily married and with two kid if you have any kind of difficulties or problem disturbing you in life you are advice to contact this powerful spell caster mojuspiritualspelltemple@outlook.com he is only the one that can help you, once again i say a very big thanks to this powerful spell caster.

jenkins 7 April 2014 - 10:35am

Be careful here nobody can help you here or even suggest how you can get your ex or love back,any testimonies of most spell caster here must be ignore.because most of them are scam i mean real scam which i was a victim and i got ripped of thousands of dollars because i was so anxious to get my wife back after she left me for over 2 years with my 7 years old son jerry,i have applied to 7 different spell caster here and all to no avail they all ask for same thing send your name your ex name address and picture phone number etc which i did over and over again and most of them were from west Africa until i saw a post about mama Anita spell and i decided to gave her my last trail.she ask me four things my real name,my ex and my ex mother name and $180 and said my ex will come back in 24hours, i have paid over $3000 on spell casting and courier and nothing have work for me after 3 days i was thinking about how much i have lost so far so i said let me give her a try so i called her again and send my real name,my ex and my ex mother name and the $180 because i swear it was my last try so i was waiting as she told me to wait till next day and i could not sleep that night because i really love my wife and want her back at 9pm that day i saw my wife on line on face book and she said hi at first i was shock because she never talk with me for the past a year and 9 month now i did not reply again she said are you there? i quickly reply yes and she said can we see tomorrow i said yes and she went off-line i was confused i try to chat her again but she was no more on line i could not sleep that night as i was wondering what she is going to say, by 7.am the next morning she gave me a miss call i decided not to call back as i was still on shock again she call and i pick she said can we see after work today i said yes so she end the call immediately i got off work she call me and we meet and now we are back again i call mama anita the next day thanking her for what she has done in fact i still call her and thank her as my life was not complete without my wife please be careful here i have been scam thousands of dollars if you want a true love spell then contact mama Anita (mama.anitatruelovespell@gmail.com)

Anonymous 24 March 2014 - 7:27am / USA

I really never believed in Spells or Magics until I met this special spell caster called Dr ADUWAWA via aduwawaspiritualtemple@yahoo.com.
The woman i wanted to marry left me 3 months to our weeding ceremony and my life was upside down,she was with me for 5years and i really love her so much she left me for another man with no reasons,when i called her she never picked up my calls and she don't want to see me around her...so,when i told the man what happened.he helped me to do some readings,and after the readings he made me to realize that the other man has done some spells over my wife and that is the reason why she left me..he told me he will help me to cast a spell to bring her back.At first i was skeptical but i just gave it a try...In less than 45 hours she called me herself and came to me apologizing..I cant believe she can ever come back to me again but now i am happy she's back and we are married now and we live as a happy family..Am posting this because i believe there are many people out there who might need his help here is his contact email: aduwawaspiritualtemple@yahoo.com

aahnaagrwal 9 March 2013 - 11:02am / India

Marriage is that part of life which can change the meaning of life and try to teach various things that comes after marriage life.

Anonymous 18 February 2013 - 11:00pm / UK

It doesn't matter Moroccan or not. This utopia that marrying a Moroccan woman is ideal has been exhausted.
With foreigner religion surfaces now and then, with a Moroccan a cultural gap is no less of a major obstacle. Moroccan Dutch should marry Moroccan Dutch from the same environment and forget this nonsense of buying a bride in Morocco. In fact that's what it is. You pay money to her parents, you go through the legal visa hustle, then you discover she would have no personality to match yours or not the maid you or you parents had dreamt about

anonymous 25 January 2013 - 7:02pm / lalaland

To marry is to halve your rights and double your duties. i give unto my wife my second best bed.

anonymous 25 January 2013 - 6:59pm / lalaland

It doesn't much signify whom one marries, for one is sure to find out the next morning that it was someone else.

anonymous 25 January 2013 - 6:55pm / lalaland

When a woman gets married, it's like jumping into a hole in the ice in the middle of winter: you do it once and you remember it the rest of your days.

Anonymous 25 January 2013 - 2:58pm / Maghreb

To my own privacy and protection I put this is not my full name.
-
The story describes as Abdel Shakur is very recognizable and heartfelt. Today, on this date, January 25, 2003, for the first time I met my current wife, the evening on December 5, 2003 we got married. What I did not know at that time and did not understand was that the marriage ceremony took place in the house of my sister.
-
After all I got an anxious suspicion and I heard from other family members the real story. My wife had a very close and strong relationship with her ​​older sister. She always went shopping together or other aankoopjes do. The sister saw her younger sister as her property, did and still does everything to our marital relationship break up.
-
We have a son of six years. According to Moroccan traditions and philosophical concepts is our son too much at the sister visiting. The sister is already under Moroccan concepts second mother For the present there is something with his mother and my wife happens. If true Dutchman, Amsterdammer with other beliefs and ovoeding opposition against me here. I have no objection to our son once a fortnight a day at his aunt's visit. But I am the father and I am also the husband of my wife.
-
My wife on the other hand supports me and constantly calling her sister to order. With many quarrels, insults, misunderstanding and mistrust is the case then for a brief period of some months to rest. I see and perceive and see in the lives of my wife much anxiety and emotional stress for the doctor cause to re gelt prescribing medications. In consultation with my wife and also to keep peace in our family I will not go on family visits because my Dutch Amsterdam upbringing often collides head-on with the Moroccan lifestyle and educations.
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For understanding: as a foreigner with a Moroccan woman marries he must be circumcised and (obligatory) Islamic beliefs take. As a Moroccan man like Mr. Abdel Shakur with a Dutch woman huwd does the woman (not mandatory) the Islamic faith to believe.
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Originally I have and I made a thorough legal international and national training received. If again a marriage endigt in a divorce, the marital relationship, children born (with minor children) is automatically custody to the mother entrusted, then the father has right to his children once a fortnight a weekend at one of his trusted environment rather than to be with them. If the divorced former spouse may not cooperate to this (man or woman) visit and meeting arrangements through a bailiff enforce and if need be in detention places. But something you do when (father or mother) of children not because you play the rights of the child and violate their trust between parents and elevator operators damage.

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