When Emilia lost her husband Jerry last year after a short illness, she was forced to quickly transform herself from an ordinary housewife into an enterprising breadwinner, fending for a family of four young children and a brother-in-law. As a non-professional, she tried all sorts of odd jobs, from selling vegetables, mending people’s clothes to cross-border trading. And, she made it.

Many women become widows in Zimbabwe, losing their husbands due to various causes like HIV/AIDS, politically-motivated violence or road traffic accidents. This suddenly heralds a hard life of single parenthood. They suffer from negative perceptions from the community and unending tussles with in-laws, especially over property and other noticeable wealth left by the deceased.

Shunned by friends and relatives
“My world came to a halt when I lost Jimmy. His relatives immediately blamed me for his death,  forgetting that he was a first-class womanizer who always brought me all sorts of sexually transmitted infections. Old friends began to shun me and whenever I visited them, they suddenly thought that I was after their husbands,” recounts sobbing Perpetua.
 

But Nyasha’s story is different: “My husband Tendai was a wealthy businessman. Soon after his death in a road traffic accident I received so many suitors who wanted to take his place. Obviously, for his money. Many were also stating that I was ‘safe’ material since Tendai did not die of some known deadly disease. Soon after losing your husband, you are perceived to be cheap but risky goods back on the market, which I always find to be humiliating and disrespectful”
 

Traditionally, soon after the death of a spouse the widow is asked to name a male relative who shall take over in caring for her and the children. Because of HIV/AIDS, many families are now staying away from this tradition. During the last three ceremonies which I attended recently, I noticed that the widows would even prefer to choose one of their sons instead of any elderly male relative to fit that role. This is regardless of the son’s tender age since most of the young widows - especially in urban areas - are young professionals who can very well look after themselves and their children.

The role of religion
“Single motherhood as a widow can be very stressful”, says Noma, “My young children are always asking me when their departed father would be coming back home. I made a blunder by trying to fool them and say that it would be soon. But the elder ones tend to be naughty and seemingly miss fatherly guidance. At times some relatives become good role models and actually help closing the gap. But the biggest problem is how to introduce my boyfriend or new husband-to-be into their lives.”
 

Like most widows, Ruth Manana’s second attempt at marriage to a newly found partner did not happen. The aspirant, Henry was intimidated into believing that he would bring bad luck into his Christian family and quickly gave up.
 

Regardless of the different types of membership, the church plays a big role in providing comfortable shelter for most widows. Pastors always make it a point to stress on looking after widows and orphans. So despite all odds, Emilia, Noma, Ruth among many other single parents, have sought and found comfort from both their extended families and the church.

Listen below to Ruth Manana, a young widow from the town of Kwe Kwe, central Zimbabwe, explaining the dilemma of widowhood:

Photo: EPA/KIM LUDBROOK