When Temba left his home town to look for a job in the capital city Harare five years ago, his parents gave him some advice: “Come back and get yourself a wife from your own region. Not someone from unknown lands,” they said.

Temba was defiant. He is now married to his own choice, Tapiwa, a Shona girl. She still struggles to converse with her bitter in-laws in their language Ndebele whenever they. However, Temba’s parents seem to be softening up because their daughter-in-law has made every effort to learn their language and culture. Besides, she is highly educated, has a good job and is very respectful.

Marriage has no boundaries
Zimbabweans who leave the country for various reasons find themselves bringing husbands and wives from different cultures and countries. Sometimes even their own family cannot locate these places on the world map.

Last month a friend invited me and my family to a wedding of their son who married in Uganda where he works for a NGO. Elders from different families encouraged the newly-weds to respect each other’s cultures and relatives.

“My sister-in-law, you should quickly learn our language and culture so that you don’t spoil my brother’s children since you will be their first teacher”, was the crude remark from one of the bridegroom’s sisters.

In a unifying tone the mother-in-law said: “Marriage knows no boundaries. Mixed marriages are not a new thing. Over the years we have received sons and daughters-in-law from England, USA, and Kenya. Even president Mugabe himself was first married to the late Sally from Ghana who did so many wonderful things for orphans and other disadvantaged communities in Zimbabwe. So, we warmly welcome our new daughter-in-law from Kampala.”

Family and cultural pressure
Some of the mixed marriages, including those of Zimbabweans from different provinces have failed due to cultural differences and fierce family pressure. Maxwell and Sophie are now separating, for example. Maxwell has always found his expected family roles unbearable, especially during funerals at Sophie’s village.

Sons-in-law are expected to cook for the mourners since large pots are to be used. Maxwell does not enjoy cooking. And he doesn’t like the idea of attending almost every funeral in the rural areas.
They are also expected to perform as undertakers when their fathers or brothers-in-law die.

On her part, Sophie cannot stand Maxwell’s sisters who despise her for being Shona and label her as an alien. They always remind her that they would have preferred their brother to have a Ndebele wife. When Sophie tries to learn their language they laugh at her spitefully. She has now given up.

For reasons like these some young couples of different regions or countries opt to stay far away from their homes and shun most traditional ceremonies in order to avoid embarrassment and break-ups.