Marriages fail. It happened in days gone by and it still happens today. But now there’s a difference: in the past, people stayed together “for the sake of the children”. That is no longer the case, at least not in the Netherlands. But is this a good thing? The children of divorced parents appear to have a greater chance of ending up as criminals.
The figures
Children of separated or divorced parents are statistically three times as likely to display criminal behaviour as those whose parents stay together. Dutch sociologist Marieke van de Rakt made this discovery while carrying out academic research into the genetics of criminal behaviour.
International research had already shown a correlation between divorce and criminality in children. Dr Van de Rakt has now come up with hard figures that demonstrate that correlation.
“On an annual basis, every child statistically has a one percent chance of committing a crime. If parents divorce, that chance is three times as great – the child then has a three percent chance of committing an offence.”
The risks
A cocktail of factors contribute to this development. A divorce affects the whole family. The resulting stress can cause children to be less emotionally stable for a while. It also appears that there is often less supervision of children after a divorce. And because there is usually less money coming in, there is not as much to spend on all sorts of nice things. Children’s health and performance at school can also be adversely affected by a divorce.
Developmental psychologist Steven Pont endorses the idea that a divorce brings with it all sorts of risks. He used to work with children placed in care because of behavioural problems. Almost all of these youngsters were from families where the parents had separated.
Every evening
The divorce rate in the Netherlands continues to rise. Nowadays, an estimated one in three Dutch marriages ends in divorce. Only 50 years ago, divorce was considered scandalous. Now it’s commonplace. Mr Pont often witnesses this:
“Every evening, this evening included, 200 to 250 Dutch kids are told that their parents are going to separate. They’re told: ‘Sit down, darling. We want to tell you something…’ That’s how it will go tonight. That’s how it went last night. That’s how it’ll go again tomorrow.”
Emotional impact
But the emotional impact of a divorce is still as powerful as ever, says Mr Pont. So what should we do? Should we stay together for the sake of the children like in the past, despite all the rows and the stress?
According to Mr Pont, this is not always the right solution. If a relationship turns violent or if a partner is constantly humiliated, it is better to separate. But deep down, children always have a fundamental desire for their parents to stay together.
Persevere
Steven Pont believes that parents should persevere even if the relationship doesn’t work, at least while their children are still young. His advice is not to get divorced before your youngest child is four years old.
Sociologist Van de Rakt adds that possible damage can be limited by keeping a close eye on children after a divorce and if necessary asking for help. It is of great importance that children get extra care and attention during the period that their parents would like to wallow in their own misery.
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Divorce is hell on the children in the middle.
What a load of tosh, and sensationalist to boot ("wallow in their own misery").
I divorced my husband when my son was 4, he has never seemed to sufer any serious trauma, has a very good relationship with both parents and does not engage in any criminal activities as a grown young man.
I beleive that if the relationship of the parents is so soured that it infects the entire atmosphere of a home, it is better for the mental health of the child and adults to rectify that, even if separation is the answer.
Children come through two people merging together so when those two don't want to be together
anymore there's the danger of expressing this emotion towards the children as well. Because they either
look or act like the other person you want to get away from. Children of divorced parents have a higher chance
of being sucked into negativity because some parents might not take their responsibility seriously of raising their own creation.
Or use the kids in their battle with the ex, so the kids pay the price in the end. So if they end up
committing a crime it's most probably because they've had too little supervision from caring adults over a longer period, not having had a good example for some years. If we had an enlightened system we'd make sure that families who go through divorce get some kind of extra support in the beginning, not when the big problems are already there, when they have to rebuild their lives. Especially tips on how to deal with all the emotions which occur in both parents and children could already be preventing future possible criminal behaviour. Prevention is still cheaper than curing.
Some kind of marital classes before getting married might be useful so both partners have some kind of idea as to what they're getting into. It used to be the church giving us some guidelines, now there's nothing, and the church got it wrong on a lot of points but there's also some common sense in the teachings which might help people get through when dealing with anger/frustration/jealousy/greed/loneliness. One thing is for sure as well, a dysfunctional household does not make for balanced children/adults either, they might not go into crime as such but they might become some of the 'bankers' we've just experienced, without a conscious, in the financial crisis. So we do have to keep an open mind as to 'what is a criminal' and not stigmatize children of divorced parents either, as that might then become a self-fullfilling prophecy. The way they are perceived by society might just guide them straight into the role of criminal instead of society supporting them to become more balanced, it's a choice we make as a group. So this report guides our thinking in the wrong direction e.g. stay together even if you're
not willing to be together anymore and make each other miserable and suffer the consequences of that choice.
It's not divorce as such which traumatizes children, children know full well when they're living in a dysfunctional household, it's the way it's handled by the adults around them and the poverty which might creep in after the fact.
Marriage has many pains.It takes patience to appreciate domestic bliss.
When a woman gets married, it's like jumping into a hole in the ice in the middle of winter; once you do it you'll remember it the rest of your days.
Differences in behavior between people are broadly influenced by genetic differences between people. Negative behavior towards others is genetically influenced, and it increases the risk for both criminal behavior and divorce. Therefore, the children of divorced parents are more likely to be criminals not because they were reared by their parents, but because they are genetically related to them (see reference below). The studies cited above would only be informative if they looked at how divorce affects future behavior among adopted children.
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/8765483
How many birds want to fly into a cage? This is a distortion of a Chinese author's famous phrase in his book, 'Fortress Beseiged.'
'Marriage is like a fortress under siege, with those inside desperate to escape and those outside struggling to enter'-Qian Zhongshu.
Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside desperate to get out.
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